I wish I could take credit for those wonderful commandments, but the credit belongs to Lynn Nelson, Public Education Director, Institute on Race and Poverty, University of Minnesota, published in Minnesota Parent, May 1995

Best,
~Deesha

Two great comments. Amy– I’ll have to let you know what I found. Yes, very interesting. I do remember reading/hearing about the struggle some girls go through when the father is a sperm donor– some struggle with identity. I’ll get back to you.

Deesha- What interesting work you do. I’ll likely be including your site in m y book as a resource now that I know about it! I like what you said in yor commandments about communication as well as:

Observe appropriate boundaries. When it comes to your kids, it’s sometimes difficult to tell yourself what they’re doing with the other parent “is none of my business.” But if an activity won’t harm them physically or psychologically, it probably is none of your business. Recognize it’s okay, maybe even good, for children to learn different ways of doing things. It’s almost certain that the other parent won’t do everything your way.

Very important lessons. Do you know the work of Christina McGhee and Divorce and Children? http://www.DivorceandChildren.com She does wonderful work as well. A friend of mine from our coaching program–

Talk soon!
Dr. Robyn

I go as far as to say that my daughters’ relationship with their dad is sacred, and I make that the standard and the guide for *my* interactions with him when we find ourselves needing to tweak our custody schedule in response to the girls’ changing needs. And I echo wholeheartedly what Amy said about keeping the past relationships issues separate from the kid issues. It’s not always easy to do–but our kids are worth the effort!

The one area I haven’t seen much research on ‘father hunger’ is the never HAD a dad scenario. In other words, sperm donor dads and/or 21st century go it alone moms that have chosen to parent single-family households, albeit surrounded by other male influences, but not a ‘father figure’ per se. I’d love to hear more about that…if you know of any research in that realm. (I know the moms have to go through extensive counseling, etc.)

Also totally agree with you on the crucial need to keep co-parenting issues separate from ex or partner related ones, and one of the sites I’ve been wanting to cover that does this REALLY well is Deesha’s “CoParenting101.com” which she runs with her ex-husband! (she’s since been remarried)

Deesha & Michael exemplify the vast potential for positive co-parenting (vs. divorce drama) and reiterate the need for adults to act in the best interest of the child, with simple tips and how-tos that remind us all that they couples will always be co-parents forevermore and ‘adversarial’ stereotypes are not always warranted. Here’s their ‘10 commandments’ of co-parenting…required reading for anyone married or an ex for that matter! http://j.mp/2RvUu1